


the road less traveled

by radovanryn



Series: The Company Man [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Partner Betrayal, Saix Redemption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:07:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21682690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radovanryn/pseuds/radovanryn
Summary: [AU, 358/2 to KH3. AkuSai/LeaIsa role reversal/redemption arc] Actions have consequences, and no plan is foolproof. When Xemnas takes interest in Axel after Castle Oblivion, Saix makes a rushed decision that puts them on opposing paths. The road to redemption is long and winding, and they'll need all the help they can get.
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: The Company Man [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1563040
Comments: 14
Kudos: 65





	1. a trusted ally

**Author's Note:**

> This fic began as a one-shot in my ongoing series, ["The Company Man"](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bN1XZYjncYMeOX7YqVpMTNISgqupjM32xjOFYXnSNGg/edit?usp=sharing</a), with Xemnas as the main focus. However, I was bit by a rabid plot bunny and decided to see where this story led. 
> 
> Each chapter will switch between Axel and Saix's perspectives. Character and content tags will be added as new chapters are uploaded.
> 
> For fic updates, previews, and content unavailable on AO3, follow me on twitter [@ radovanryn](https://twitter.com/radovanryn/).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xemnas takes it upon himself to prepare Axel for his next mission.

> _“It has been said_
> 
> _that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly’s wing_
> 
> _can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway across the world.”_
> 
> _\- Chaos Theory_

Axel half-listened as Xigbar and the Superior brought the other members up to speed on the replica project. His gaze drifted over each empty chair. One by one, they were fading. Things were changing, and Axel couldn’t keep up anymore.

“A puppet?” Luxord. “What does that mean, exactly?”

It was a small comfort to know he was not _that_ far behind the plot. But Axel couldn’t shake the feeling that they’d _all_ become puppets caught up in Xemnas’s deadly escapades. Even Saïx, who thought himself above all the in-fighting, was not immune. Castle Oblivion had planted the seeds of doubt, and Axel wasn’t sure if he and his oldest friend and ally were even on the same _side_ anymore.

Xemnas’s voice interrupted Axel’s reverie. “This was one of several projects of ours being undertaken at Castle Oblivion. However, our efforts were severely derailed by Vexen’s untimely demise.” Their leader cast his benevolent gaze on each of them in turn, however it sharpened infinitesimally as Xemnas looked down at Saïx. “Needless to say, losing Vexen was not part of our plans.” Saïx remained impassive as ever.

Axel mirrored that expressionless demeanor, but inside him everything jumbled and twisted. Xemnas was on to them, of that Axel had no doubts. Did Saïx think he was safe because he hadn’t done the deed himself? Would he sacrifice Axel to further his own objectives?

“—any instance where a replica formed its own identity. Do you concur, Axel?”

Axel didn’t answer Saïx, half because he hadn’t been paying attention, and half ‘cause of a strange sensation in his chest that had his entire upper body tense. Sharp and bitter—it was a _feeling_ , he knew it was. But how? Axel couldn’t say.

“Axel.” Unlike Saïx, the Superior commanded his gaze. He spoke slowly, his words perfectly measured. “The onus is on you to capture and bring back Xion. The escape was on your watch.” The tenor of his voice and the cadence of his speech drew Axel in despite himself. “I will overlook any nicks or scratches. Just ensure she still functions on arrival.”

Axel glared at Xemnas as he spoke, uncaring how it might be read as insubordination. Let Saïx berate him for it later. Axel was sick and tired of following orders, directives that made it plain for all to see how he and Xion (and Roxas) were nothing but pawns in Xemnas’s little game. Xaldin interrupted the moment, then Saïx twisted the proverbial knife: “It is not a ‘deserter,’” he said of Xion, _Axel’s best friend_. “It is merely a flawed specimen that has wandered out.”

Xemnas held Axel captive in his gaze. When he spoke, his condescension was obvious. “Be that as it may, this is not a mission to be taken lightly. I will ensure that Axel is… _prepared_ for what awaits him.” Axel’s eyes narrowed. He _hated_ being spoken to like that, as if he wasn’t even in the room. (He’d forgotten, since becoming a Nobody, what it felt like to _seethe_.) “Dismissed.”

One by one, the Organization members retreated into the darkness. Before he left, Xigbar cast Axel an inscrutable look. “Better not keep the boss waiting,” he warned. A portal enveloped him, and soon only Axel, Roxas, and Saïx remained.

“Axel.” Green eyes met gold, and Saïx’s blank façade cracked ever-so-slightly. He was unnerved, and Axel didn’t know what to make of that. “Those orders were… absolute,” the Diviner said, noticeable pause loaded with meaning. Like Xigbar, Saïx was giving Axel a warning. This was _not_ part of his plan, but… Axel was tired of moving things along just as Saïx wanted them. This was _his_ show, now.

With a soft chuckle, Axel summoned a Dark Corridor to the Altar of Naught, where Xemnas awaited him. Axel paused at the base of the stairwell. It had been a long time since he’d last been alone with Xemnas. _Might’ve been when he gave me my new name,_ Axel thought, but even _those_ memories were hazy and barely-formed.

“Join me.” The odd feeling in his chest intensified at Xemnas’s beckoning, but Axel climbed the altar to stand beside the Superior nonetheless. “Is it not magnificent?” Xemnas asked him, gaze fixed on Kingdom Hearts.

Axel squinted at it, then looked askance at the parade of hearts softly drifting towards the ethereal glow. He never admitted it, not even to Roxas and Xion, but there was something… _wrong_ about their Kingdom Hearts. Unnatural, enough that Axel was content to leave Saïx to his moon-gazing rather than try to find out what it was that so captivated him. Axel scratched his head, and muttered, “Yeah. Sure.”

A moment passed, then Xemnas turned to face Axel directly. Though by no means a small man, Axel felt diminutive in comparison to the Superior. Unconsciously, Axel squared his shoulders and straightened his posture. Xemnas’s lips quirked into a barely-there smile. “The Organization owes you its gratitude,” he said. “Were it not for you, Castle Oblivion would have been lost to us. All our efforts would have been for naught.”

“Traitors are eliminated,” Axel said. He didn’t remember much from his first days as a Nobody, but he’d _never_ forget Xemnas’s dictate. They’d become his Proof, his nonexistent purpose as the Organization’s first assassin. Under the harsh glow of Kingdom Hearts, he could _almost_ hear Vexen’s tearful pleading, Zexion’s final gasps. Icky jobs, but nothing compared to the orders he’d just received. Or what would happen to him if his own treachery were ever discovered.

“Is that what worries you?” Xemnas asked. He shook his head ever-so-slightly, the smallest movement possible to convey the gesture. “It is as Saïx said. Xion is not a traitor. No harm will come to her, once she is recovered.”

“Worry? What, me?” Axel laughed as if he found the idea funny—as if he should even be able to find _anything_ funny. But even to his own ears, it sounded forced. “How can I be worried without a heart?”

Xemnas held a hand aloft, as if reaching for Kingdom Hearts. “In its ineffable wisdom, Kingdom Hearts has chosen you to guide and protect the keybearers. It is presumptuous that I question its intentions by testing those bonds, yet I trust no other to see Xion returned to us.”

Something just wasn’t right. Despite the wide-open space, Axel felt like he was being led into a trap.

“Lea.” Axel tensed. No one, except Saïx— _Isa_ —had called him that in years. Xemnas said his Other’s name like a possession, as if he’d taken _it_ along with his heart. “Your true name. It still holds power over you.” Xemnas smiled. The sentiment was as hollow as his words. “But it is not your memories that causes your doubt. You have begun to feel again.”

Xemnas’s eyes reflected the pale light of Kingdom Hearts, and Axel found he could not deny the truth. “I— yeah.”

“You are not alone.” Xemnas’s words were an epiphany. For Axel to realize he’d actually _enjoyed_ setting Marluxia’s careful plans ablaze had been unexpected, but unsurprising. They’d been rivals, after all. Even when Roxas insisted that the thought of losing his memories of Xion and Axel _scared_ him, the redhead dismissed it as errant memories. But, for Xemnas to confirm what Axel suspected but long-denied produced a new feeling in the Nobody: _astonishment._

“And yet, we remain incomplete,” Xemnas went on. “For all we have learned, there is so much we still do not know about the heart. Even now, when we are so close to achieving our true purpose—”

“Hearts shall be made our own.” Xion’s words. Axel wondered if that was where the replica had gone, to claim a heart that was truly hers. Xemnas’s smile sweetened, if only slightly. Just enough to lend him a more benign air.

“We shall conquer the human heart, and in so doing make them ours.” All his hard-earned instincts _screamed_ for Axel to keep back, but despite himself the assassin let Xemnas’s hypnotic voice draw him closer, until he stood next to the older Nobody. “When we build our new world and achieve our true objective, all will be made clear. Our sacrifices will not have been in vain.”

Xemnas’s words struck a chord in Axel, who turned toward the Superior sharply. Was it possible that—for all Saïx’s efforts— _Axel_ would be the one who uncovered the truth of Xemnas’s plans? Over his lingering wariness, which warned him that this was _too easy_ , Axel heard himself ask, “Our true objective?”

“Ah, yes,” Xemnas replied. He sounded pleased. “Allow me to _show_ you.” Suddenly, a gloved hand grabbed Axel’s chin in an iron grip. His gaze was forced up, so that Axel could not help but to stare into Kingdom Hearts. Axel inhaled as pain stabbed him, as intense and sudden as when his Other lost his heart. A deep ache spread across his chest and into his limbs like a toxin. Still, Axel could not tear his eyes from Kingdom Hearts, its golden aura a sickly perversion of true Light. It blinded him, a flaxen haze that consumed his vision before darkness overwhelmed him.

As Axel fell unconscious, it was to the sound of his own screams.

* * *

Waking felt… dreamlike. Axel was sprawled out on the floor, and as he pushed himself up he registered an odd _fullness_ within him. His chest ached, and as he made it onto his knees Axel pressed into the hollow space with numb fingers. Gold flashed across his vision, and his head spun.

“Rise.” Xemnas. The memories trickled back, slowly. He’d been given _icky_ orders to track Xion down and bring her home. Shakily, Axel made it onto his feet, and as he did he glimpsed his reflection in the polished floor. Dazed as he was, Axel still understood. Things were becoming clearer. “Do not return until you have found Xion,” the Superior said. Axel nodded, and with a trembling arm summoned a Dark Corridor.

Axel came back to himself in bits and pieces as he prepared for his mission. By the time he made it to the Gray Area, things almost felt _normal_ again. After months of spiraling without a clear purpose or agenda, Axel welcomed the change. He called the darkness, however before Axel stepped inside a voice called his name. Axel looked over his shoulder—just barely—as Saïx approached.

“What did Lord Xemnas want?” he asked. “You were with him for several hours. I had begun to suspect the worst.”

Axel scoffed. “What? Don’t you _trust_ me? After all, we’re on the same side, you and I.” He turned towards the darkness, but Saïx grabbed him before Axel could leave.

“Lea,” Saïx said. He almost sounded… desperate. “Look at me.”

So Axel _did_. Gold eyes met gold, and Saïx visibly recoiled. Axel smirked, a cruel and brittle thing. As he let the darkness consume him, Axel taunted Saïx with a sing-song promise: “I’ll see ya when I see ya.” Then, he was gone. He had a job to do.

Axel _always_ followed orders.


	2. divergent paths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saïx takes drastic steps to ensure his and Axel's future, but at what cost?

The Castle That Never Was was oddly subdued, far quieter than Saïx was accustomed to. As was his habit, the Diviner gazed into the vastness of Kingdom Hearts, seeking answers. “Grant me your wisdom,” he begged. “Tell me what I must do.”

Saïx never thought it would come to this. Why now? Why him? _Axel…_ Saïx had kept the younger Nobody away from Xemnas for years. He’d assigned all Axel’s missions personally, and _not once_ had Xemnas commented on it, lost to his own obsessions.

Or so Saïx had believed.

The faint _click-click-click_ of approaching footsteps stirred Saïx from his reverie, however he did not turn to see who it was. Saïx could sense Xehanort’s corrupting influence just as Zexion detected darkness. (Or, as Zexion _used to_.)

“Xigbar,” he said, as lifeless as the empty shell he was meant to be. “You have not submitted your report.”

“Give me a break,” Xigbar complained. Saïx turned just so he could properly glare at the sharpshooter, however Xigbar—accustomed to Saïx’s disapproval—ignored the look. Rolling his shoulders, he added, “I just finished lugging Flamesilocks halfway across the castle.”

Saïx could not contain his surprise, much to Xigbar’s delight. “What? Don’t tell me you didn’t hear?” Xigbar shook his head, hand waving to signal his disbelief. “Axel brought the Poppet back.”

A sick, crawling feeling churned in Saïx’s hollow chest. From his hazy memories, Saïx recognized the sensation as tied to an emotion, although which one (regret? unease? fear?) he could not say. Axel had changed since befriending the keyblade wielders, true, but for all his feigned disgust Saïx acknowledged that it was very much like _Lea_ to adopt strays. By contrast, he would not have expected Axel to track and capture the replica so quickly.

( _Lea_ would have given it a head start and a fighting chance.)

“Is it functional?” he asked, although not out of any concern for the puppet. Saïx knew better than most how ruthless Axel could be when he wanted; it was why he’d unleashed the assassin on the unsuspecting fools in Castle Oblivion. However, despite his chaotic nature, Axel was incredibly controlled and calculating. He was impulsive, yet also purposeful. If Axel spared the replica even the smallest amount, then there was still some chance this unexpected turn of events could be salvaged.

“Barely,” Xigbar replied. Saïx forced himself to remain expressionless, however the heaviness within him grew. “She’s unconscious, not that Axel’s much better. If he had any fight left, it was gone by the time Roxas was finished with him.”

Things were devolving faster than Saïx could have anticipated. “Roxas attacked Axel?”

“As if! The kid still thinks they’re _friends_ ,” Xigbar said, shaking his head as if the thought amused him. “But he sure tore into him. Shouting match of the century, just down the hall. Like I said, I’m surprised you didn’t hear it.” Saïx allowed himself a single breath to ground himself and collect his thoughts. At least Axel hadn’t fought Roxas, but Saïx wondered just how much Xehanort’s influence was affecting Axel. He needed answers, and desperately.

“Anyway,” Xigbar went on, “Roxas took off when Xemnas came for Xion, and I got stuck dragging Red back to his room.”

“I see,” Saïx said. He would check on Axel later, but first, “I expect your full report by morning.” Of course, Xigbar neither noticed nor cared that Saïx had obviously dismissed him. Instead, he dropped his hands to his hips and cocked his head, as though in deep thought.

Nonchalantly, he remarked, “Gotta admit, I’m surprised Axel made the cut.” Hidden within the long sleeves of his coat, Saïx clenched his fists so tightly it nearly drew blood. “You didn’t have anything to do with that, did you?”

Saïx grit his teeth. His mask—that of an emotionless Nobody—was cracking. “Xemnas did not see fit to inform me of his decision,” he replied, voice low and threatening.

“Isn’t _that_ interesting?” Xigbar chuckled. “Well, the more the merrier. Right?”

“Get back to work.” More laughter, but at least it was accompanied by Xigbar’s retreating footsteps. His thoughts racing, Saïx tried to process everything Xigbar told him. The moon called to him, and Saïx answered, seeking its comfort. “I implore you, please, give me guidance,” he whispered.

Kingdom Hearts. The source of Xehanort’s power, but also far beyond his comprehension—and as such, his control. No matter how twisted and polluted it had become, Saïx felt its light hidden deep inside. The gathering place of all hearts; they spoke to him, even now, their voices joining to create a cacophonous melody he could barely understand.

At last, clarity. _The imposter_ , they murmured. _The champion of darkness will prevail._

Such insight came at a price, and although Saïx wanted— _needed_ —to know more, the pounding in his temples and the electric _fury_ that threatened to overwhelm him forced him to avert his eyes. However, as he panted for breath Saïx felt the gnarled tangle of half-formed _feelings_ loosen somewhat. Kingdom Hearts had given him renewed purpose, and better still, a path forward.

Saïx moved quickly. Luckily, for all Vexen and Zexion’s _idiosyncrasies_ both Nobodies had kept their work spaces meticulously organized. It took under an hour for Saïx to compile and store all the data necessary. The rest… he would return for later.

First, he needed to recruit his unwitting messenger.

* * *

“We don’t accept resignations.”

Roxas scowled, and Saïx resisted the impulse to roll his eyes. (Distantly, he wondered why he’d been exhibiting so many human-like behaviors lately.) The keyblade’s chosen was far too predictable. Saïx had been waiting at Nothing’s Call for nearly twenty minutes.

Roxas widened his stance, as if fighting Saïx would somehow avenge his _friends_. As if—under normal circumstances—Saïx would allow one so young and inexperienced to best him. “I’ve got nothing to say to you.”

Too bad. “You would have them risk further injury in order to track you down? Pathetic.” Roxas grimaced, and Saïx fought the urge to recoil. Despite their physical differences, Saïx knew that look. He’d seen it hundreds of times, whenever his teasing had sparked Lea’s temper. “Their coddling has made you weak. Is it any wonder the puppet surpassed you?”

“She’s not a puppet!” Roxas shouted. “What’s Xemnas going to do to her?” 

“I will tell you nothing.” Vexen’s notes described the replica’s ‘capacity for reprogramming.’ If Saïx cared enough to guess, _that_ would be Xemnas’s agenda. However, Saïx did not care. It did not matter if Roxas or Xion won their inevitable duel—either would fall to the hero of darkness.

Roxas kept yelling, either oblivious to, or uncaring of the fact that Saïx would not give him any answers. “Axel… You did something to him!” Saïx’s fingers twitched. His rage built, the moon like a siren’s song. He would lose control. Soon. “He attacked Xion,” Roxas said, almost in disbelief. “And his eyes—”

Lunatic appeared in Saïx’s hand, although the Diviner had not consciously summoned his weapon. “Axel is none of your concern,” he spoke, voice low and threatening. Despite knowing he must lose, Saïx nevertheless _relished_ the opportunity to challenge Roxas. This _child_ who called Axel his ‘best friend’ as if a handful of months meant _anything_.

Roxas called his keyblade. “Tell me what Xemnas did!” 

Saïx smiled. He would enjoy this. “Let’s keep this short and sweet.”

For all its build up, their battle was _short_ , at the very least. It ended with Saïx on his knees, clutching his chest. (He had not enjoyed it as much as he had hoped. Pity.)

Roxas sheathed his keyblade, then started to walk past Saïx. There was precious little time to act, so Saïx ignored the pain and reached into his coat, extracting a small disk. The Diviner grabbed Roxas’s sleeve as the keyblade wielder strode past him.

“Y-you… would abandon him?” Saïx asked, each breath more agonizing than the last. It was undignified, but a useful distraction nonetheless—Roxas did not notice Saïx slipping the device into his pocket.

“I’m going to find out what you did to him,” Roxas spat, easily shaking Saïx’s arm off. “I’m going to save them both.” With that, Roxas left. Saïx watched until the blonde disappeared, then slowly, _painfully_ hoisted himself to standing. With a snap of his fingers, two Berserkers and—strangely enough—an Assassin appeared before him.

“Number Thirteen has escaped the castle,” Saïx said. Darkness clouded the edges of his vision. He needed an elixir, and fortunately there were several stocked in Vexen’s lab. Kingdom Hearts was guiding his steps, it seemed; he might not have found the strength to return for… _it_ , otherwise. “Search this world, and any others he visited.” Saïx paused, then added, “Do not bother with Twilight Town. It is the first place he would expect us to look. Now, go.”

With a bow, the Berserkers left. The Assassin lingered for a moment, its beady eyes staring at Saïx until the Diviner, injured and impatient, hissed, “Leave.” The creature slithered off, leaving Saïx to his next unpleasant task. He limped to Vexen’s chambers once more.

* * *

Hours passed. Saïx’s entire body _ached_ , and for a fleeting moment he entertained the thought of just… crawling into bed with Axel (with _Lea_ ) and holding him until both of them had healed. But it was a fantasy, and one he could not afford to indulge. Time was of the essence.

Xemnas met him in the Place Where Nothing Gathers.

“Roxas has run off,” Saïx told the Superior. From his throne, Xemnas looked down on him with a bored expression, as if Saïx was discussing the weather rather than an act of treason. Saïx went on. “I have alerted the lesser Nobodies. They are scouring every world Roxas visited, but so far we have found no trace of his whereabouts.”

“I see. It seems that, despite our best efforts, the will of the keyblade’s chosen cannot be controlled. What a pity.” _Oh_ , how Saïx _burned_ with hatred for Xemnas. For Xehanort, whose corruptive presence he could sense deep within him, kept at bay by the light of Kingdom Hearts. Even still, Saïx knew Xemnas could feel that hatred. He smiled, and Saïx felt his rage swell.

“Axel knows what he must do.”

Saïx grit his teeth, but he was unable to prevent his growl. Even in that windowless room, the moon called to him.

Xemnas’s smile twisted into a smirk. “Ah, I understand. You are not accustomed to defeat, yet the power of the keyblade is unmatched.” _What luck._ It seemed Xemnas mistook Saïx’s anger for some childish desire for vengeance. Saïx let his lip curl, revealing pointed teeth.

“Let me retrieve Roxas in Axel’s place,” he said. “Axel is in no condition to leave the castle.”

The Superior cocked his head, golden eyes intent on Saïx, but he held his gaze unwaveringly. “Your hatred has been building for some time. Oh, that’s right.” That same damned _smile_. “You two were _friends_.”

“Roxas’s betrayal affects us all—” Saïx began, but was cut off by Xemnas idly waving his hand.

“Yet it is _Axel’s_ betrayal you fear the most.” Xemnas sat back in his throne, completely relaxed. Saïx wanted to _tear him to pieces_. “I, too, shared this concern. Axel’s loyalties have always been questionable, and thus I believed him unsuitable. But then _you_ showed me the error of my ways.”

All his fury evaporated in an instance, leaving in its wake a wretched emptiness. “Sir?”

“Were it not for your insistence that we send Axel to Castle Oblivion, I would not have seen his true potential. Yet again, you have proven your dedication to our cause.”

The hollowness grew. True, Saïx did recommend that Axel be assigned to Castle Oblivion, but only to plant seeds of doubt in Xemnas’s mind. The Superior’s intent was clear: the members sent to Castle Oblivion were expendable. Untrustworthy, and thus _unworthy_. Saïx trusted that Axel would survive, and return protected from further harm. That he would return _unnoticed_.

“So be it,” Xemnas continued. “Xion will take Axel’s place. It will be _her_ worthiness that we shall test.” Despite the void that threatened to consume him, Saïx felt his body relax. He would process these… revelations later. His path remained unchanged.

Xemnas’s stare pierced him once again. “However, should she fail, the task will fall to you. The power of the keyblade must be made our own. No matter the cost.”

With a solemn nod, Saïx let the darkness carry him to Axel’s Proof. Kingdom Hearts’ serene glow filled the barren room, and beneath its light Axel was resplendent. Yet, as Saïx came closer he could see how Axel’s ears had sharpened, and he remembered his now-golden eyes. The void inside of him coalesced into an emotion as powerful as his rage. Saïx remembered this feeling: _guilt._

Saïx sat next to Axel, although the younger Nobody did not stir. “Lea,” he whispered. It had been _so long_ since he’d touched Axel, but rather than aggravate his wounds Saïx settled for running his hands through Axel’s unruly red mane.

“I am… sorry,” Saïx said. It felt important, _necessary_ to say, even if Axel could not hear him. “It was never my intention for you to become—” Saïx’s expression twisted “— _tainted_ like this.”

Saïx had accepted his role long ago. He’d known then that it was imperative for him to gain Xemnas’s favor in order to achieve his and Axel’s objectives. He accepted it, and also resisted it as much as he could. Axel was never meant to know any of this. And yet—

“Xemnas tells me this is my own doing. Hubris perhaps, or overconfidence, that I thought to outmaneuver him so brazenly. Yet for all his lies, _this_ gives me pause.” Saïx’s fingers drifted to trace along sharpened cartilage. “Did I do this? Did I push you away, only for _him_ to find you?”

Saïx looked at Axel. Despite his wounds, he looked peaceful. Almost as if he was sleeping. His thumb brushed softly across Axel’s temple while his other hand reached for the small syringe he’d taken from the labs.

“It was foolish of me to let the past consume my thoughts,” Saïx said. “There is nothing to be gained from it. There is but one path, and that is forward.” Saïx leaned forward to press a soft, chaste kiss to Axel’s lips. Even in sleep, they were warm. “I will do what I must to ensure our future.”

With his thumb still pressed to Axel’s temple, Saïx curled his fingers around his jawline, turning Axel’s head to the side and exposing his neck. “Please forgive me, Lea. For what I have done.” Saïx drew the syringe from his coat. “And for what I am about to do.”

The slide of the needle was effortless. Saïx watched as the inky black liquid spread across his veins, and then as Axel’s face twitched, then grimaced before smoothing once more. The potent blend of belladonna and barbiturates—tempered by Zexion’s spellwork—rapidly set in, and in less than a minute Axel’s breathing was shallow. Saïx stood, but Axel did not stir. Vexen’s notes were clear: a single dose would induce a month-long sleep. Now, Saïx had time.

 _Now_ , Lea was safe.

“When you wake, it will be to a better world,” Saïx promised. “Sleep well, Lea.”


	3. in remembrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel wakes up. Nothing is as it should be.

“Man, this sunset sure is somethin’ else.”

“Axel—”

“And the ice cream, it’s just like I told Roxas. The icing on the cake.”

“Axel, _please_.”

“Y’know, if I could, I think I’d just… stay here forever,” Axel said, taking it all in. No matter how exhausting his mission, or how complicated everything had become, Twilight Town’s eternal sunset never failed to relax him. “It’s funny, though. I don’t remember how I got here.”

A sigh, then: “I’m afraid that’s my fault.”

“All your gabbin’ is making it hard to ignore you,” Axel grumbled, acknowledging his partner at last. “I know it’s not exactly your style, but can’t ya just _relax_ for once? There’s nowhere else we’ve gotta be.”

Shaking his head, Saïx replied, “We can’t stay here forever. We’ll wake soon, and then…” He paused, as if uncertain. “I haven’t any idea what will happen to us.”

Axel frowned. Saïx was acting… odd. If he didn’t know any better, Axel would say Saïx looked _sad_ , his teal eyes glistening with unshed tears. _Nothing’s as it should be,_ Axel thought, feeling strangely bereft himself. A dark cloud formed in the distance, and the sunlight began to fade.

“Lea?”

The cloud was approaching, tendril-like darkness encroaching upon Twilight Town’s amber sky. “What is it, Isa?” Axel was tired. _He was so, so tired._

“I’m sorry.”

 _For what?_ Axel wanted to ask, but before he could the storm overtook them and he fell from the clock tower. He fell and fell _and fell_ through darkness until—

* * *

His eyes opened.

For minutes—or possibly _hours_ —Axel drifted, half-aware as his memories sluggishly returned. _What happened to me?_ he wondered. His body _ached_ from disuse, and instinctively Axel knew he had been laid up for some time. The pain centered in his chest, which burned with phantom emotions as Axel _remembered_. The altar. Xemnas. The feeble Light of the false Kingdom Hearts as it consumed him and filled him with… renewed purpose. A reminder, that Axel was now part of something _far greater_.

Roxas had been less than pleased.

_“Since when have you cared about what Xemnas says?_

_“No more lies, Axel! Tell me what’s going on!_

_“What did they_ do _to you?”_

Strange, how Axel remembered _what_ Roxas had said— _shouted,_ actually—but not _why_ he said it. He’d been wounded… but how? His memories blurred, a kaleidoscope of disjointed images flitting across his mind. A girl— _Naminé?_ No, someone else. _But who?_ The sunset, and a dark cloud. Saïx.

_Isa._

Slowly, Axel sat up, vertigo almost enough to force him down again. Roxas and… wait, no. _Roxas_ suffered similar spells of unconsciousness in the past, and Axel wondered if waking had felt so disorienting for him, as well.

“I’ll have to ask him.” However, in speaking (even to himself) Axel realized how _quiet_ it was. As he staggered to standing, Axel listened for the shuffling sounds of Dusks roaming the halls, the murmur of fall-off voices, _hell_ , even the plucking tune of Demyx’s sitar. But there was _nothing_. Nothing, except his own breathing.

“What’s going on?” Axel asked as he left his Proof. Despite the odd silence, nothing could have prepared him for what he found on the other side. Red lights and broken portals. All of the other Organization member’s Proofs had been… destroyed. Only Axel’s and—he heaved a sigh of relief—Roxas’s still glowed blue, even though it, too, was wrecked.

Axel touched Saïx’s ravaged Proof, his voice barely above a whisper as he asked, “Saï… what happened?” Axel stared at the destroyed marker in disbelief. _Am I still dreaming?_ A reality in which Axel existed and Saïx did seemed unnatural, even more bizarre than being Nobodies.

“Nothing is as it should be.” It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Even though they’d grown apart, their memories still tied them together. Wasn’t that what Saïx kept reminding him? They’d joined the Organization together, plotted and schemed together, _they had been chosen…_ “How can _you_ be gone?”

“Why do you grieve him?”

Axel spun around, startled by the sudden intrusion. “Who are you?” he asked, letting his hands drop to his sides. Weakened as he was, Axel doubted he’d be able to summon _any_ flames, but he could still wield his chakrams.

The stranger, a young man with familiar silver hair and golden eyes, ignored Axel’s question as he went on. “You have been blinded by your attachments. He betrayed you, and our cause as well. You meant nothing to him.”

“Oh, _cryptic_. Great.” Axel held up a chakram, ignoring how his hand trembled with fatigue and weakness. “Tell me who _you_ are, and what happened. _Now_.” He spun the other chakram, artificial light glinting off polished steel. “I’d _hate_ it if our friendship got off on the wrong foot.”

“Can you not sense it? You and I, we are one and the same,” the stranger replied. His voice was low, eerily toneless. “Or rather, you are an extension of my future self: Master Xehanort.”

“Man, you’re all _kinds_ of mistaken. The name’s _Axel_ , got it memorized? And Xehanort’s long gone. He goes by Xemnas these days.” Axel grimaced as the burning in his chest intensified, the stranger smiling wickedly. What was _wrong_ with him? “Quit playin’, _mmph_ — playing g-games and just, _hngh_ —”

Axel’s knees buckled. His chakrams disappeared as he fell, Axel just barely managing to catch himself with his hands against the cold, hard floor. His chest… his entire _being_ felt like it was on fire, _gold_ all he could see as memories— _feelings_ , old and foreign—crammed into his once-hollow chest. It was like seeing the world anew, but through different eyes.

“Now do you understand?” the young man—the _young Xehanort_ —asked. Axel nodded, and although the pressure abated he felt… _changed_ , somewhat. Less _himself_. If he had a heart (of his own), Axel would have felt horrified at how his self-control weakened. His identity, fading.

With effort, Axel stood. The lifeless Proofs of the fallen Nobodies surrounded them, and once again Axel felt his gaze linger on Saïx’s destroyed platform. “The others,” he said. “What happened to them?”

_What happened to me?_

“It is as I said. The Organization was betrayed, undone from within.” Xehanort glared at the same ruined Proof that had so captivated Axel. “Saïx revealed our intentions to our enemies by way of Roxas, the Keyblade’s Chosen. With his return, the Hero of Light was recompleted, and one by one His vessels were slain.”

 _Saïx… betrayed the Organization?_ Once, it would have seemed plausible, _likely_ even. For years, Saïx and Axel plotted against the Organization, words and whispers passed between them as their sated, naked bodies panted for breath. Castle Oblivion had been their crowning achievement, an act of revenge _ten years_ in the making.

The heavy weight of Xehanort’s heart sat like a stone in Axel’s chest. Hadn’t Saïx been chosen as well? No matter the depths of his hatred, Axel couldn’t fathom how Saïx summoned the strength to resist Xehanort’s will. Then, of course, there was—

“Roxas.” Empty memories of laughter and _friendship_. Saïx’s jealousy, obvious and deepening with each passing day. Feeling emotions, even without a heart. _“We each have memories of our pasts,”_ that’s what he’d told… Roxas. But, what’s the use of memories without a heart to bind them?

“Gone forever,” Xehanort said, casual tone sparking something like wrath deep within Axel. “After Saïx poisoned you—”

“ _Poisoned_ me?”

“When Saïx expired in the Lanes Between, his nonexistence was reclaimed by my Nobody,” Xehanort explained, “and with it, his memories. He incapacitated you, then led Roxas to those who would see his existence erased.”

For a moment, Axel refused to believe it. Saïx… _Isa_ was his oldest friend and ally. _His lover._ Being Nobodies, the notion didn’t carry much weight, but it was all they had. That, and their memories. Saïx would never, _could never_ betray the past like that.

Then again, hadn’t they changed? Drifted apart by secrets and lies? Hadn’t Axel began to wonder if Saïx would betray him? In his memories, Axel heard himself ask, _“was I one of the ones you wanted to erase?”_ Saïx never answered, had he?

“Saïx expired attempting to return to the Castle,” Xehanort said gravely. “He could not risk your annihilation at first, but once his betrayal was revealed—”

“Yeah, yeah, you don’t have to spell it out for me,” Axel spat. Like puzzle pieces falling into place, slowly the breadth of Saïx’s betrayal became clear. _Rage_ —more cloying and potent than the Nobody could remember—ignited from within Axel, genuine emotion consuming him as flames danced in his eyes and at his fingertips. Saïx… had taken _everything_ from him. His heart. His purpose. Roxas. Even himself.

“You seek vengeance, as do I. But first, there is much we must do. Time _is_ the essence, and we have wasted more than enough in this graveyard. Come.” Xehanort called on the darkness, its swirling winds dousing Axel’s flames. But the coals nonetheless remained, burning brightly in the assassin’s golden eyes.

The corridor led them to a familiar room in yet _another_ familiar castle. Their sudden reappearance in Radiant Garden took Axel off-guard, although much of that was due to the bodies—the _Somebodies_ —sprawled across the floor. Axel didn’t need a heart to know that _somehow_ , his former colleagues had regained theirs. In the corner of his eye, he caught a shock of blue; the fires smoldered, barely restrained as Axel’s gaze lit upon _Isa_ , asleep and defenseless on the ground.

It seemed betrayal had worked out for him, and wasn’t that just _peachy_?

“So, you’re the one getting the band back together, huh?” Another unexpected voice, and _really_ , hadn’t Axel gotten enough unwanted surprises, already?

Like Aeleus, Ienzo, Even, and Dilan, Braig was outfitted in his formal Castle attire, yet his eyes and ears were the same as when he’d been Xigbar. “Took you long enough! What, did Sleeping Beauty want a few more hours?” At Axel’s glower, Braig chuckled. “Hey, don’t look at me like that! You think I would have traded a nap for getting pummeled into nothingness? As if!”

“Enough, Xigbar,” Xehanort said. “There is no time to lose.”

“Aw, give the man a chance!” Braig—Xigbar, apparently—exclaimed. Warily, Axel watched as he circled the perimeter. “I bet he’s just _full_ of questions.”

“ _Why_ —” Axel’s voice was harsh, barely more than a whisper as the flames licked his fingertips. His throat felt choked, crowded with all he wanted, _needed_ to know. Axel was unaware how, as his mind struggled to process all of the impossibilities he’d been confronted with, his gaze drifted back down to Isa. “ _How_ —”

“Why me? How are we whole?” Xigbar gestured to the still-unconscious Somebodies, even as Axel’s eyes lingered on Isa’s prone form. “Simple. We were recompleted, although I’m something of a special case. Like you, except now I’ve got a heart. Too bad, Red.” Axel tore his eyes from Isa to glare at Xigbar, who stood with his arms on his hips, cocky as ever.

“Of the original thirteen, too few were worthy.” Xehanort interrupted, turning toward the main computer. “Master Xehanort requires capable vessels. Xigbar, you know your task.”

“Whatever,” Xigbar scoffed, waving off the younger man. “You sure you don’t want to grab one or two? You know what they say.” He nudged Even with his foot. “Better safe than sorry.”

“Leave them. We are here for a different purpose.”

“If you say so.” As Xehanort initiated a series of programs, Xigbar came up to Axel and braced a hand against his shoulder. “Watch yourself, Red,” Xigbar murmured, too quiet for the other man to hear. “Xehanort can see into your mind. He can promise you everything you’ve ever wanted, but none of it comes for free. Memorize _that._ ”

A mechanical whir, then the door nearest to them slid open. “Come,” Xehanort beckoned, and with a final suspicious glance Axel left Xigbar—and _Isa_ —behind to follow Xehanort down a spiral ramp that delved deep into the earth. This was a path that Axel, or rather _Lea_ , had climbed only once before: the day his heart was stolen.

As they descended, Xehanort asked him, “What do you know of the ancient Keyblade War?”

“Never heard of it.”

“Long ago, all the worlds basked in the eternal Light of Kingdom Hearts,” Xehanort said, tone casual as if he weren’t leading Axel deeper into the depths of the castle. “Yet there were those who sought that power, that Light, for themselves. And so, a great war was fought. Darkness prevailed, and the Light of Kingdom Hearts dimmed.” The walkway led into a long white hallway lined with many doors, each one heavily chained and secured with an electronic lock. Yet Xehanort kept on, heedless of Axel’s growing restlessness. “Every keyblade master is bequeathed a keyblade of his very own. With the passing of time, as you can imagine, more and more keyblades were forged to be handed down.”

“Right,” Axel murmured, barely listening. As they neared the end of the hall, they came closer and closer to his— _Lea’s_ —former cell. Echoes of _loss_ , of _terror_ swelled within him, and Axel felt his breath quicken. It felt like the walls were closing in on him, like the billowing darkness from his dream, made real and threatening to overtake him. Quietly, so quiet Axel hardly heard it over Xehanort’s words, he picked up on a low growling sound. It was heated and dangerous, but also somehow familiar. Unconsciously, Axel reached out towards the cell, _his cell_ , toward the handle and the creature inside...

Then, as though he were drugged, the sensation ( _his feelings_ ) faded, tempered by the foreign fullness inside his chest. As Axel drew his hand away, the ringing in his ears lessened, and with it the strange growling. Once again, the hall was utterly silent, save for the faint echoes of their footsteps and Xehanort’s droning voice.

“Yet for every one hundred bequeathings, only one wielder was made. For you see, it is the strength of one’s heart that forges the blade.” At the end of the hall was a tall set of doors gilded in black chains. There, Xehanort paused. When he spoke again, his tone was almost wistful. “There are so few who are worthy. Less now, than ever before.”

Axel frowned. Something didn’t quite add up. Didn’t _feel_ right. “If that’s true, then explain Roxas,” he said. “How can a Nobody wield a keyblade?”

Xehanort looked at Axel, and it felt as if the young man was staring directly into the Nobody’s soul. “What Xigbar said to you in the laboratory was incorrect. You possess a heart, one that far surpasses his own. _My_ heart.” Xehanort smirked. “A keyblade master’s heart.”

With a loud _swoosh_ , the doors slid open, revealing a circular chamber with a large throne at its center. Inside, the chain motif was accentuated by the Nobody emblem. Darkness, thick and heady, permeated the enclosed space. Axel doubted a human could withstand it; even _he_ was feeling dizzy, his vision hued in iridescent shades of gold.

“The Chamber of Repose,” Xehanort said, fingers deftly tracing the throne’s polished white surface. “A sanctum of memory, and—” he scowled, “regret.”

 _It was here all along?_ For years, Saïx had _obsessed_ over the whereabouts of the Chambers of Repose and Waking, convinced they were the key to unraveling Xemnas’s secrets. And yet, were it not for the foreboding stench of darkness, Axel would have been rather unimpressed...

That is, until he followed Xehanort’s gaze to two objects thrown haphazardly onto the floor: a set of armor and a keyblade, both dull and greyed from disuse.

Slowly, Xehanort stepped forward and took the keyblade. “These belonged to—” he paused, as if searching for the right words “—an old friend, although I doubt she would refer to it as such. A keyblade master lost to the darkness. Your task is to retrieve her.”

 _“You just keep running. But I’ll_ always _be there to bring you back!”_ A memory, faded and painful, echoed in Axel’s mind. The alien heart in his chest thudded heavily. So, _this_ was his purpose. He’d graduated from assassin to a glorified errand boy. _Guess it’s_ me _that made it to the top,_ Axel thought, bitter. All those _icky_ jobs, and for what?

(He didn’t dare ask himself if it was worth it.)

Xehanort swung the keyblade back-and-forth twice before taking the blade in his free hand and offering it to Axel. Instinctively, the Nobody took a half-step back. “What are you doing?” he asked, warily eyeing the keyblade.

“A master needs her weapon,” Xehanort replied. “If Aqua is to join us, then she will need this. Take it.” Axel moved to take the keyblade, though not of his own volition. Rather, his body felt wrested from his control as he grabbed the hilt. The weapon cried out to him, _despair_ , _enmity_ , and the faintest hints of _promise_ coursing through his veins. And yet—

“This doesn’t... _belong_ to me,” Axel said, staring at the keyblade in both shock and certainty. Never, _not once_ had he tried to hold Roxas and— _Roxas’s_ keyblade. He’d always known, even without asking, that such a weapon was not meant for him. And yet… “How—”

“Did you not listen?” Xehanort interrupted. “To wield a keyblade, one must possess a powerful heart, and I have given you a part of mine. That, in addition to your will to persist is testament of your worth. Master Xehanort is not a fool. For what other purpose would he have chosen _you_?”

Unbidden, another memory seized Axel. _The perfume of flowers, the splashing fountains. Blonde hair and a nervous, uncertain smile. Laughter, genuine and heartfelt. An odd wooden sword shaped like a key..._

_“We’re friends now. Got it memorized?”_

Axel blinked, and for a moment he was… somewhere else. Somewhere _bright_ , the walls pearlescent and glistening. So much like the place he had been, right down to the prominent throne, upon which sat—

Axel gasped, and he was on his knees, the keyblade still clenched in his shaking hand. He felt dizzy, physical and mental fatigue weighing him down. Heart or no, Axel was still a Nobody; he wasn’t meant to _feel_ so much. Even Saïx’s betrayal, painful as it was, felt distant. Despite sleeping for a month, all Axel wanted was to lay down and _rest_.

But what _Axel_ wanted didn’t matter so much, not anymore. “Stand,” Xehanort commanded, and so Axel did. His mind and soul were conflicted, but not his heart. (After all, it wasn’t _his_ , was it?) “Tell me, Eight,” Xehanort asked, circling behind the overwhelmed Nobody. “What is it that you seek?”

_Inside people’s memories, I can live forever._

“You want to be remembered,” Xehanort said, contemplative. Axel frowned, confused until he remembered Xigbar’s message. His _warning_. Xehanort could hear his thoughts, and saw his memories as clearly as Axel, himself. Funny, how little Axel cared, standing in the dark with a keyblade in hand. He’d already lost so much, after all. “What else?”

_I moved things along just the way you wanted, at least for now._

“Autonomy, yes, but what then? What _more?_ ” Xehanort stood before Axel, impossibly formidable despite his smaller stature. “What does your _heart_ desire?”

The keyblade fell from Axel’s hand, dissolving into a million glistening pieces on the floor. Fire raged within him as Axel _burned_ for all he’d lost. His _home_. His _life_. _Roxas. Isa._ Axel might have lacked a heart (of his own), but when he answered it was with the deepest sincerity. He knew what he _truly_ wanted.

“I want… to set things right.”

With a smile, Xehanort reached for Axel— _into Axel_ —and drew a blade as bright and unformed as molten lava from his chest. Axel watched, spellbound, as the weapon took shape in Xehanort’s hand. It was a _keyblade_ , that much was certain, but it was unlike any keyblade Axel had seen. The hilt comprised a modified version of his chakrams, six points to the usual eight. From there, the blade curved in orange and red hues from its edge to the fuller. Even though it lacked an obvious point, Axel knew what he’d been given. What he’d _forged_.

“Tell me,” Xehanort said, sounding vaguely interested. “What is its name?”

“Dark Corona.” The name came to Axel without conscious thought. It simply was. And, more importantly, it was _his_. Xehanort handed Axel the keyblade, and it _sang_ in his grip, a conflagration of _passion_ and _fury_ and _righteousness_.

“I have given you all you require,” Xehanort said, as Dark Corona _flared_ in Axel’s hold. “Now, bring me the lost keyblade master, and together, we shall make things right.”

* * *

_“You haven’t forgotten me, have you? Isa?”_

Fluorescent lights. Cold, hard tile. The mechanical whir of newly-active machinery.

His eyes opened.

“Lea?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I love most about canon-divergent stories is how changing _one_ detail sends the plot veering in an entirely different direction... which is the excuse I’m using to justify modifying Axel and/or Lea’s keyblade for the second time in one of my stories, because I low-key despise Flame Liberator’s design. (Sorry, not sorry.) I'm also playing around a bit with established KH lore re: bequeathing, as I am one of the folks who believes Ventus accidentally passed the ability on to Lea in BBS. There will be a bit more... slight deviations on the lore in the forthcoming chapters, but I hope it will all make sense in the context of the story. ;)
> 
> The next chapter will return to Saïx—or rather, Isa’s—perspective, and _boy howdy_ but there's some catching up to do with him! (I dropped plenty of hints in this chapter to tease...) In the meantime I’d love to know your thoughts! Kudos, comments, replies and RTs are all deeply appreciated. Follow me [@ radovanryn](https://twitter.com/radovanryn) on twitter, where I post fic drabbles, previews, and pieces otherwise not available on AO3. Happy 2020, everyone!

**Author's Note:**

>  **[Note added Feb. 15, 2020]** Thank you to everyone who has read and commented on this fic! I apologize for the long wait for the next update, but I am working on chapter four and hope to post it sometime in the next couple of weeks!
> 
> In the meantime, you can follow me [@radovanryn](https://twitter.com/radovanryn) on twitter for fic updates, in-process wips, and more KH-related fan content. <3 illia


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